The Way Out » Addiction Types » Codependency

Codependency

It’s often said that addiction is a family disease, and codependency is a good example of that. As the addict struggles with drugs or alcohol, family members can easily fall into a codependent pattern of behavior – and in the process cause pain to themselves as well as the substance abuser. Codependent actions such as enabling the addict, denying the existence of a problem, and suppressing emotions are NOT the solution. The real answer is drug rehab, and The Way Out provides free, knowledgeable assistance for families looking for rehab facilities in their area. Call us today at 1-877-WAYOUT7.

What is codependency?
Codependency has become something of a buzzword these days – people sometimes even use the term without fully understanding what it means. In general, codependents have a tendency to be overly passive or excessively caretaking – to the point that they regularly avoid their own needs and wants while being fixated on the needs of others. In romantic relationships, codependents have a paralyzing fear of being abandoned, and as a result they may tolerate unacceptable or even abusive behavior from their spouse or significant other. According to the Florida Alcohol and Drug Abuse Association, other characteristics of codependency include:

• Low self-esteem – Codependents may feel they have no meaning or self-worth in and of themselves, and are worth something only in relation to someone else. This is why codependents often find security in unhealthy relationships. Low self-esteem is also often a sign of depression, and many of those who suffer from depression are also codependent. For example, a 1998 Kent State University study found depression and codependency to be “strongly related,” with 36 percent of depressed women in the study also being diagnosed as moderately to severely codependent.
• Lack of boundaries – Codependents are frequently more concerned with what other people think of them than with their own emotions and thoughts. They are so “externally oriented” that they will frequently take on other people’s emotions as their own, without fully realizing this is happening. Codependents do not know where they “end” and others “begin.”
• Mistrust of perceptions – Codependents dismiss their impressions of situations unless these impressions have been externally validated by someone else. Even if the codependent has very clear perceptions and ideas, another person’s perception is trusted instead of their own. When it comes to substance abuse, this is why an addict’s parent or spouse will often accept – and believe – the addict’s declarations that nothing is wrong. Deep down, the codependent KNOWS that something is wrong, but the codependent has grown accustomed to ignoring his or her own feelings.
• Caretaking – Codependents often become caretakers of others (such as substance abusers) and neglect themselves. In such instances, the person being cared for is not allowed to address their own needs or meet the needs of the codependent. This dysfunctional pattern damages both people, as the codependent never has their needs met, and the addict is shielded from the true consequences of their self-destructive actions. Protecting and covering up for an addict is known as “enabling.” It’s incredibly important that the addict see what is really happening. By witnessing the cold hard truth, addicts can then hit rock bottom, which paves the way for entering substance abuse treatment.

Once the addict is receptive to treatment, call The Way Out at 1-877-WAYOUT7 for free assistance in finding the right drug rehab facility. We work with all forms of health insurance, and convenient self-pay options are also available.

Why am I a codependent?
People often develop codependent behaviors while growing up in a dysfunctional household. It could be a household affected by addiction, or one where physical or sexual abuse is taking place. In other instances, there might be neither addiction nor abuse, but the overall atmosphere in the household is deeply unhealthy.

Codependents can be addicts too
While many codependents do not suffer from addiction, there are some who are themselves hooked on drugs or alcohol. This can happen for a variety of reasons – for one, codependents tend to suppress negative feelings, such as anger. Those buried emotions don’t go away, however – they fester and grow like an infected sore. Instead of confronting these emotions, the codependent may turn to drugs or alcohol as a way of “fixing” the problem. Sometimes, other addictive behaviors – such as compulsive eating or a workaholic schedule – will be used as the coping mechanism.

Another scenario where a person can simultaneously be both an addict and codependent is when two drug users or alcoholics are romantically involved together. Each addict can become an enabler to the other, and the codependency behavior can be a serious obstacle to either addict getting the treatment they so desperately need.

Ways to overcome codependent behavior
If you have a family member or friend who is struggling with addiction, it’s important to realize that the codependent habits you have developed are NOT improving the situation. Ultimately, it is the addict’s decision whether or not to enter treatment, but there are certain actions you can take that will increase the chances of that happening. Among them:

• Do not provide money or a place to live for the individual who is abusing alcohol or drugs.
• When the addict asks for help, you should insist that they get themselves into a drug rehab program.
• Practice tough love – without your help, it’s possible that the addict could become homeless or even end up in jail. This is of course heartbreaking, but it is essential that you let such consequences happen. It is during such moments that addicts often “hit bottom” and decide that they want to get clean because they can’t stand to watch their life disintegrate further.
• Work on yourself – achieving the happier life you want will require some self-examination and behavior changes. Codependency behaviors can be conquered through one-on-one counseling or support groups such as Codependents Anonymous.

Remember, you are not alone. At The Way Out, we’ve helped thousands of families that are affected by drugs and alcohol. We can guide you through the drug rehab search as well as refer you to codependency-related counseling. We’re available 24 hours a day, and we’re on YOUR side. Call us today at 1-877-WAYOUT7.